Plans For December

Don't you hate it it when things don't go according to plan?

I'm the WebcomiCritic and I'm not reviewing anything right now. I'm sorry I've been absent, for those who actually care. College applications are killing me, but they won't stop me.

I'm posting here today to prep you for what I'm about to review next so you can formulate your own opinions of the works before I either tear them a new one or give them a Pulitzer.

Newbie Rant: Legend of Zelda: The Five Heroes- Because it's the right thing to do. I made this monstrosity and it needs to be torn apart. Even great geniuses like myself aren't perfect.
Newbie Rant: FW! Adventures- Because I've been shirking this one ever since I started.
Newbie Rant: Lumia's Kingdom- It's gone on long enough for me to give Mr. Esrix a good or bad thoguht on this. And since this is the same Genius behnd Blue Zombie, I expect only good things
Newbie Rant: Runway- Because I should've done this one a long time ago. Its pretty good.
FUll REVIEW: The Heroes of C.R.A.S.H.- because my pal, Mr. Winthrop is back after computer troubles and I've put tis off for too long now.

And hopefully I will be bale to do them in that exact order.

Additionally, possibly expect reviews for

Life Ain't No Pony Farm
Ginger's Bread
Out at home

SO yeah, life stinks, I can't end this in a witty manner, so I simply end.

-Read or Die you Uneducated Buffoons
The WebcomiCritic

Newbie Rant 5: Harkovast (The Reasonable One)

Let's try this again. I'm going to be a fair broker on this and try not to find every little wrong thing. Yes, my previous review of harsh, and most likely baseless. If I'm going to express that sort of anger I may as well use it on someone who deserves it. The Author of Harkovast does not seem to deserve it. I overloaded my previous review with too many negatives, over shadowed any positive thing I had said, and I didn't even finish the danged thing.

Trekkies, General geeks, Furries, Gamers, and the occasional female Geek, I'm the WebcomiCritic, I review it becuase somebody has to.

Webcomic artists and writers tend to be a very niche category of people. we're all usually geeks. And in that niche category, we're usually the niche categories of anime and manga fans, furry fandom, comic book geeks, video gamers, and fantasy and sci-fi guys. Usually these don't mix, and when you do the audience tends to get even nicher.

Unfortunately, because of our limited scope, we tend to write stuff that's incredibly similar. We usually have our own spin on things but you can guarantee that we will usually tell a story of 2 gamers on a couch and one girl, a Tolkien/Dungeon and Dragons-esque story making fun of the system and cliches, a Tolkien/Dungeon and Dragons-esque story that plays every cliche and system flaw as straight as an arrow without irony, anime-esque things that either make fun of itself or play cliches straight, a furry comic involving either all of the above or a porn studio, a slice-of-life involving most of the above, I think you get the point.

So what was I trying to say? We geeks are very niche-y. Sometimes too much. and too much we get Harkovast. But apparently this isn't always bad

I've only ever been a passing fan of war stories of the fantastic persuasion. This has not changed a thing, though I may come back for more.

I'm reviewing this at the request of the makers, The writer and artist Daniel R. Stribley and Julie Anne Stribley.

Welcome to Harkovast, probably the only furry comic I've stumbled upon that isn't in an anime-esque style. Good for you Mr and Ms Stribley. Way to rise above the standard. No sarcasm.

We are about a week or two beyond it's one year anniversery it has about more than 80 pages, hosted on drunkduck, and appears to have its fair share of fans. So obviously Mr and Ms Stribley are doing something correct. And of course as a reviewer it is my job to challenge that correctness and see if it's true.

So Let's Dig into the story, shall we?

To begin we are given a somewhat promising intro that appears to be foreshadowing of sorts. It actually sounds kinda interesting, though the execution seems to feel a little... Flat? Cheesey? Oh Well, it's no bad so I may as well move on.

The war of the good army versus the bad army is initiating and the good guys use weapons created from their courage. You'd think they'd be more creative than making a sword when they can craft a weapon from their spirit. Oh well.

The bad guys are as inhuman as inhuman can get, dehumanized by their lack of self-consciousness, hunger, or tire. As well as their lack of names and and voices. Complete with green blood and faclessness. Because this is the easy way of making villains. Rather than deep motives, back stories, and personalities that make them a unique force that appear to fighting for a cause they deem as good, it's best to just make card-carrying monsters. Remember folks, Pure evil is more realistic than a believable motive.

On the other hand, since this is being told from the good guy point of view, I'm guessing the baddies are as dehumanized as possible, like real war. But even This seems difficult to believe because even as a species they appear to be "nameless".

The surprisingly well choreographed conflict displays that the good guys are at an almost even match, until the giant mook comes and slaughters them for all they're worth. And considering the lack of a worthy cause we've been given, they ain't worth much.

But wait, there's still their champion to avert all this. Someone to swoop in and save the day. the Deus Ex Machina who can avert this (I know what Deus ex Machina really means, this is a hyperbole. Do you know what a "hyperbole" is?)! Who can it be? His name is... SHOGUN!

Wait-what? really? The champion is a one word title? The writer could've called him "Samurai" with the same effect. And that effect is "Silly" And what's a Japanese-style fighter doing in a European Medieval setting? Did he get lost on his way to an anime convention? Did they run out of knight's armor at the "Cliche Fantasy War Story" store?

Okay, poor jokes aside, The Shogun, despite his out-of-placeness gets the job done, ruthlessly. Though I do question how that retractable blade works. I mean, Where does all that blade go? where does it come from? The handle isn't nearly long enough to house a blade of such length. Oh well, I'll assume it's a similar technomancy that made his arm. I wonder what happened to it. Were I weaker and

We soon learn that Shogun, while good at his job at killing, is only good because he has a remorseless one-track mind.

Shortly after the Shogun's senseful slaughter, narration disregards some of my earlier claims. Apparently some of the faceless, nameless, and utterly inhuman mooks are somewhat human (or rather "Furman") after all. Outcasts, mercenaries, ex-heroes, and Glory-hounds; better characterization of the enemy. No sarcasm.

And then we are cryptically introduced to our possible main villain who appearance speak in a southern drawl. And he is called... really? That's his name? Well okay. He is called "The Speaker man" Well, what can I say? It's eaither the coolest name in the wolrd becuae it's short, simple,a dn tells everything without telling anything at all. Or....

It sounds like the name oh a poorly created super-villain who was quickly rejected by the legion of doom. I mena, cna you imagine the interview of a bad guy called "The speaker Man?"

"You young whipper-snappers may think I'm the lamest man you ever did see, but lemmie tell you, my ability to talk in long drawn lectures shall put all in my range to sleep, and furthermore..."

With that poorer joke aside, The wandering exposition wizard finally finds his friends, the Native American Foxes called the Ano-Chee. there are probably more jokes that can be done with "Native American Foxes" than I can think of, but I'll let it slide and allow you to fill in the gag.

Anywho, Quinn-Tain, the exposition Wizard is asking them to summon a... sociopath with loyalties only to his own people... Wow, the situation must be dire, to be as desperate as to summon a monster(psychologically a monster). And judging by the internal monologue, this sociopath sounds like a lovely person!

And He is revealled to be a swan-like creature. And Quentin-sorry, Quinn-Tain describes the sociopath's (Ki's) species as being light and airy, but this one took a dark path. I wonder if this symbolic of anything... *coughfallenangelcough*.

The scene changes to a battle-worn old fogey who finds a church where the residents attempt to heal him. However, conflict ensues as he brought Nameless with him. the old man coincidentally, or rather "contractually obligated by the plot", is able enough to fight off the fiends. And of course, he'd prefer to fight honorably instead of smart. And unfortunately, what could have been a cool looking fight scene is a wee bit static. The use of speed lines in the first conflict of the story really made a difference it appears.

And while this occurs, Quin-Tain and Ki are... Ku...kukuku, kuahaha! ahahahahaha! GAHAHAHA! AH HAHA HAHAHAHAH! Oh man! that... That just... Okay, Myabe this is only funny to me and maybe it has to do with the art style or something, but... Hahah! Oh Well, just look:

Look there, bottom of the page! Tell me honestly, can you take Ki seriously in that outfit? I am shocked those around him are not bursting into fits of uncontrollable laughter!

I know he's supposed to look like your average assassin, but you can't honestly say that he looks like he can be taken seriously. He looks ridiculous! Okay, Okay, I;ll get off that tangent. I'm just saying, He might be the silliest assassin I've ever seen.

They're apparently after another poorly named character called the totally uncliched "Heretic". The Stribleys should be writing superhero names for the Nineties... But let's leave my snark out of this, we actually know what Quin-Tain's plan is in summoning Ki. And we actually get a pretty nice internal monologue from Ki that shows us ab it more of his character. It's actually petty interesting and I hope to see more of him.

We go back to the zealot old fighter who really is as stupid as he's portrayed as he attempts to fight three cavalrymen nameless without backup or being fully healed. Genius.

He does win, regardless, but not without my complaint. A weapon fueled by courage, while has the potential for creative ideas, can seem like a bit too much and has the opportunity for abuse. However, considering GaoGaiGar, the only mecha anime I like, is all about a mecha fueled by the main character's courage, I have "hypocrite" stamped all over my face.

Sir Muir, the senile old nutjob frees the solve surviving hostage of the faceless mooks and we are finally introduced who I can only assume is the focus main character and she (First impression nearly screamed genderless or male. curse this art style's lack of eyelashes). She's part of a species called the Tsueng Dao that for some reason screams "Harkovast's version of the land of the rising sun". Further confirmed by her name being... Chen-Chen?

I'm not laughing, it's not a horrid name. It's not even a funny name (Okay, maybe it is is a childish weird sort of way) It's just not the first name I would've come up with for her. Each ot their own?

I could complain about the total cop-out reason for why she survived.... But Let's be reasonable here. Maybe she was trained by monks or something so she knows a thing or two about trances and meditating...

(Inability... to mock.. stupidity... is... painful....)

To Resume, we find out Chen-Chen is looking for the misplaced samurai from near the beginning while we're given an interesting perspective of the Harkovast genetics system and a nice view of what the Shogun's history could be. Too be it had to be a bit in an expository manner, but Ill get to that later. This leads to what may possibly be the most unique travelling protagonist pair I've ever seen. Sure hope it lasts.

we go back to the Speaker Man who may have the most awesome ability ever. We learn his motives are Holy (?) but his methods appear less than noble. Well intentioned extremeist? I think he's a satire of those uber-conservative southern folk and their religious fanaticism. If so, More power to the Stribleys.

we get a short montage of Chen's learning experience. A short demonstration to show that she is the main character and that there are huge differences between where she'd from and where she is now. Also, at this point any person that does not see this as an Allegory of The Oriental (Of the mostly Japanese persuasion) contrasted with The Occidental, either doesn't know enough about the cultures yet or as blind as Helen Keller. More moments to affirm the cultures. People still advocate stupidity-er, "honor" and at this point, It can possibly confirmed that the Darsai are cat people and the Tsueng Dao are reptiles.

The journey to find shogun was quicker than I had anticipated. That's disappointing. Whatever the case may be, the dialogue between Sir Muir and The Shogun actually got a smile out of me. Jolly good. And the pair becomes a threesome and get your minds out of the gutter. This seems easier than I thought it would be. Where's the character conflict? The drama? The interesting subplots involving their conflicting personalities? I cannot honestly be expected to draw out some sort of drama from a grizzled warrior telling the senile grizzled warrior to shut up.

Wait! nevermind, interesting plotpoint. All is right in the story then.

Chapter 5! I thought I'd never get here! Okay then, it's appropriately titled ambushed as the cast gets... Ambushed. ORIGINAL! And before we see senseless slaughter because the Shogun is a short-tempered git, they get Deus Ex Machina'd so we see senseless slaughter because Ki is just awesome and nihilistic like that.

Next, we get some pretty decent battle scenes.

Hold the phone, are those speed lines!?? Okay, they're kinda poor, but it looks like they listened to me the first time! Effort! Honest to God, effort!

And... Holy Hand Grenade, where did THAT come from? That actually looked awesome, but where did that come from?

Okay, I;ll stop disbelieving, I'll just assume my monk theory earlier was not too far-fetched-Holy Cow! That's the coolest and msot original thing I've ever seen? Who in the world has ever thought of an Ice Berserker!? That's either the most awesome or the most stupid thing I've ever hear of, but I'm so surprised by how original it is, I can't decide!

Ki harms it pretty good and then... Dude, really? Look how injured it is! You're not seriously going to.... Mother of Pearl....

*stands on a podium with a letter*

And the award to the biggest douchebag in Harkovast goes to... *opens envelope* The Shogun! Congratulations you racist hypocritical ruthless beast!

Man, You just gotta lvoe Ki. He may be a killer, but he's not a complete monster about it. unlike some others, not to point any fingers *coughshoguncough*. He's also got audacity and smarts. Cool guy.

And that's the end of the story-so-far overview, and we end by finding out Chen is a nun. Wow, I was totally close there! I had no idea there were such things as xiaolin nuns! GENIUS!

Wow, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I 'm not even sure what made me so angry when I first read it before. Maybe the anatomy threw me off, or how obvious-sounding it felt near the beginning. Whatever it was, I gave Harkovast a second chance and it's really not bad. If Anything, it's teetering above adequacy. I usually prefer more humor with my plot, but this was okay. Harkovast has the potential to be something greater than I imagined, and I was silly for ignoring that. I'm fascinated to see what the potential ensemble cast has to offer.

The characters are decent, they're characterized pretty well, I saw nothing that seemed off or out of character for them. They stuck within their boundaries and made themselves interesting. Mostly. I will admit, I have found nothing deeper behind the perceived protagonist Chen-HCen besides somewhat innocent and curious and Sir Muir as... I've already made my point clear.

The most interesting characters with depth are Ki and the Shogun. the Shogun is flatly angry, but is multifaceted and clearly has a lot going on with him I hope is revelled worthily in the story.

And boy do I love Ki. I disagree with him on a lot of things, but you can't hate the guy for his daring, his attitude, his smart mouth, his smarts, and the fact he thinks he looks awesome going around killing people looking like Hyperstrike with crazy eyes.

Speaking of crazy eyes, I must begin to speak of the art style and how the eyes felt soemwhat,]... empty sometims, like the charatcers had no soul. myabe it's just me.

But I must make comment on the anatomy. It's okay, for a person who is a moderate at it. It's like the "comfort zone" of human anatomy and you still have intermediate and advanced to go. I suggest studying people, and I have a huge list or references for poses if you're interested.

The art does have it's moments, like This. The background was cheesy and silly, but the body was wodnerfully constructed as The Shogun came in for a flying kick. Well done. Like previous complains, none too dynamic, but well done nonetheless.

And I'm glad speed lines to add motion was thrown in for good measure. It's a nice start. And I appreciate my previous advice being taken seriously. and considering how static the action at the beginnings of the comic were, this is what we call a blessing.

The Art is good overall really. I have no qualms with the artist's work. Shadows, backgrounds, settings, trees, shadows, lighting, coloring, and recently, dynamic-ness. It's all fine. Anatomy is my only issue with you because the character can looks strange and somewhat disoriented. You've already seen my list of "In Case of Poorly Drawn Furries, Click Link", so I've got not much else to say.

Besides, the fact I'm friggin' tired.

"What? Sorry, I was miles away. What were we talking about?"-Sir Muir.

-Read or Die You Uneducated Buffoons

The WebcomiCritic

Newbie Rant 2: Housepets!

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well.... SOMEbody has to!

We all love our pets, don't we? I personally have an annoying little Lahasa Apso. Now imagine THIS: Your pets are sentient, and anthromorphosized and the height of a small child. What would they be doing all day? I think This little webcomic known as Housepets! was trying to do and gosh darned it they succeeded. ANd Frankly, I'm REALLY glad my lahasa Apso isn't anrhto nor sentient after reading this.

Starting at about June 2008, definite Newbie material, is basically about housepets. And that's about it, it's about housepets.

ADVENTURE HO!

But seriously, this well drawn comic by a man name Griffin portrays pets virtually as children who are almost human besides height and differences in clothing style. They still play pretend, no matter how weird they make it out to be.

The story focuses around a cat and a dog living with the Sandwich family. The Dog is Peanut Butter or Just Peanut and the Cat is Grape Jelly or just Grape (Note the purple fur. Also note He-, She-, WHATEVER, is the only one with a weird fur color). I now, I hate the pun too, but trust me, you won't even remember the pun as you read the comic, for there are more pressing issues in this comic.

The humor content of this comic ranges from WTF moments to Irony to Slapstick to... Hm, now that I think about it, It covers almost all humor from making fun of the Artist's style of pet anatomy to making fun of the furry fandom (Yes, even with pets it can be possible) and yet I don't think a single joke has relied on bad puns or terrible wordplay. And when they did at the beginning, it was overrun with the joke of Grape giving up on playing pretend simply becuase Peanut's wordplay sucked.



Now that I think about it, It was the very first strip! Griffin learned his lesson from the very beginning didn't he? Comedy is more than just bad puns and slapstick, timing, irony, and topical humor is what makes a funny comic.

Now, in terms of the format. Hmm, Same pitfalls as Newbie Paulsen. Trying to make a story-arc type story in the form of "Sunday Newspaper Funnies" strips. He made it work too, but Griffin's arcs aren't as long and feel a little less connected. You moreso feel that when you pick up somewhere, you moreso understand what's going on without needing to read the other strips. I suppose it's okay, but really people, find a format and stick with it for face the falls of DOMINIC DEEGAN

And Finally, it doesn't seem to properly end most of it's story arcs, they either seem to end on some random note or cliffhanger. Though there are plots Griffin could have gone ages on, I'm guessing the nature of the comic prevents him from doing uber long term plots. Which is almost a pity really. Though maybe those cliffhangers are going to be picked up on later. Clever indeed. At least, I think he's clever, eh hasn't proven otherwise, but this comic has the potential to prove just how clever a writer Grffin may be.

Anyhow, Housepets! has the feel of a gag-a-day strip and I have no problems with it. That's what it seems to do the most. I suppose this is was separates it from Paulsen's Precocious here: http://chrispco.emeybee.com/precocious/. Though in his defense, I hear Paulsen will turn Precocious into a proper gag-a-day by, hmmm May-ish?

Comparison's aside, I should probably get into Housepet's artwork. Well, it started good, got color, then as of recent, got better! Before, you had a hard time telling Grape was even a cat besides the ears and fish collar. Same with the other animals really. Especially Difficult with characters like Fox.



He isn't mentioned by name but he's on the dog's side has the pointed ears. See, hard to tell he's a dog besides the slightly longer snout. Way to go Griffin. At least when he improves his artwork or claims it's "Closer to his regular style" (Which is basically more detail, and I prefer it.). The Dog's noses look like dog noses and the cat's eyes look like cat eyes.



The scribbles? Don't worry, That's Peanut's artwork. As the sensitive one, he's also an artist. But you can see the improvement, right?

Now where was I, ah yes, the pitfalls in the art. The anatomy isn't bad but the physiology isn't... defined. I mean look at them, can you even tell what gender they are? In fact, when Grape Revealed herself to be female, even I! was surprised! AND I READ THE CAST PAGE BEFOREHAND! AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A TYPO!!! IT HAD BE A TYPO! WHAT ELSE COULD IT HAVE BEEN! THERE WAS NO WAY GRAPE WAS FEMALE!



Oy vey... I'm saying "Oy Vey" and I'm not even Jewish, but it's the only thing that currently describes my feelings. I can understand Griffin may have done it on purpose for visual humor. Heck, the title said was that he planned this a while. But sheesh, it's like it's being told from a human's point of view when we're too ignorant to actually know. But when it's the animals, there's no excuse! I mean Grape has a point:

THEY'RE NAKED ALL THE TIME!!!

Eyelashes a female does not make. It took me years of drawing to learn this rule. But Grape doesn't even have long eyelashes. This makes it worse! Oh so much worse! I mean, It's fairly clear that they're "too young" to have curves, but come on man, show some effort!

And this does not only confound her own best friend and sibling:



BUT A FELLOW CAT!



Talk about insult to injury! Sheesh!

Okay, that rant about that minor flaw in the artwork is over, I'm moving over to characterization.

I originally thought stereotypical: "Stupid Dog, Smart cat, crazy hijinks about how opposite they are ensure" But that's not what we got. We got two characters who are fairly similar in intellect with similar interest whose subtle personality differences show off like a beacon. In the very beginning we have the Excitable Peanut and the lazy Grape and despite being quite different, they are still somehow able to do equally silly things such as...



Evidence that they are children. This is done expertly... And yet, you can still till Peanut is the sensitive and slightly silly one and Grape the pragmatic one. Though sometimes his-GAH! HER logic is TOO logical for her own good. This is good enough. And every other character is well defined that you can remember most of them pretty okay-ish. Like Bino is the pompous and self-serving jerk, Fido is the nice guy who just seems to try to do the right thing even with his taboos, and Max is more sarky than any other cat in the story. Simplistic, but it works. I doubt this was meant for a story arc type thing and more a gag-a-day story.

And the human owners? they're there but their faces are more or less absent like in Cow and Chicken only in Housepets! They're actually drawn well.

Now the concepts I guess. I love how Griffin's punchlines cover so many bases from Quips at his own undetailed artwork, Issues about interspecies dating


Simply LIKING or showing interest in another species in general


Continental stereotypes (Looks like those guys escaped the Great War of the Australian Stereotypes)


Quips at the fact they're pets


Classic slapstick combined with paranoid insanity


Furries and Roleplaying (*shudders* That Joey kid is so creepy...)



And the Most controversial of all:


Smoking Catnip.

It's like a Furry comic for kids! Okay, maybe pre-teens but you get my point.

This is good stuff! ANyhow, this isn't a bad webcomic I have terrible things to say about.

Dangit, I'm really killing this WebcomiCRITIC rep I'm supposed to have, aren't I? I'm starting to be all fluffy and nice like... TANGENT!!!!

DO not frett faithful readers! I'll get really nasty once I get to Dominic Deegan. Once I finish reading that on my own time there will be words! Followed by words words! and... And a Deadpan Snarking!

Hmm, and I may have over did it on the images today, but what can I say? I LOVED this comic's gags and their variety.

But yeah, how do I finish this up?

Uh.... A Grape quote would be most suitable... ah-hah! I got it!

"HA! I was only ABOUT to take a nap... Well I would rather be taking a nap - WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

and

"IT HAS MORE THAN ONE FUNCTION!"

-Read or Die you Uneducated Buffoons
The WebcomiCritic