Plans For December

Don't you hate it it when things don't go according to plan?

I'm the WebcomiCritic and I'm not reviewing anything right now. I'm sorry I've been absent, for those who actually care. College applications are killing me, but they won't stop me.

I'm posting here today to prep you for what I'm about to review next so you can formulate your own opinions of the works before I either tear them a new one or give them a Pulitzer.

Newbie Rant: Legend of Zelda: The Five Heroes- Because it's the right thing to do. I made this monstrosity and it needs to be torn apart. Even great geniuses like myself aren't perfect.
Newbie Rant: FW! Adventures- Because I've been shirking this one ever since I started.
Newbie Rant: Lumia's Kingdom- It's gone on long enough for me to give Mr. Esrix a good or bad thoguht on this. And since this is the same Genius behnd Blue Zombie, I expect only good things
Newbie Rant: Runway- Because I should've done this one a long time ago. Its pretty good.
FUll REVIEW: The Heroes of C.R.A.S.H.- because my pal, Mr. Winthrop is back after computer troubles and I've put tis off for too long now.

And hopefully I will be bale to do them in that exact order.

Additionally, possibly expect reviews for

Life Ain't No Pony Farm
Ginger's Bread
Out at home

SO yeah, life stinks, I can't end this in a witty manner, so I simply end.

-Read or Die you Uneducated Buffoons
The WebcomiCritic

Don't Jump To Conclusions

I'm the WebcomiCritic and this is not about webcomics

I'm still here. It appears some people think I got scared off by a few Harkovast fans.

Pish Posh Apple Sauce! Poppycock! Blasphemy!

I just had more free time during the summer. Senior year isn't hard, but annoying. Hopefully by this Saturday, I'll have had re-read Harkovast and tried to be less annoyed this time. And then I'll throw in another review I'm sure you're all going to love.

And yes, you presumptuous creeps, I know I'm a poor colorist who is afraid of coloring and inking who doesn't have photoshop skills and can't draw a backgroudn or a buildng or a landscape to save my bacon, thanks for pointing out the obvious. What are you going to say next? "Oh look! He's black!"

Sheesh.

Okay then, With that insult aside, I apologize for being rude, I rarely go a day without a sarcastic, cynical, or sardonic remark and I really needed to say that to you.

Step into my deviantart and insult my poor artwork there. Lord knows teasing is better than no critque at all.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry in a corner and think about my pathetic loney life and allow your horrid horrid words to internally wound me for all eternity.

"Read or Die You Uneducated Buffoons"
-The WebcomiCritic

P.S. My Weesh review got on Tangent's reviews. Thank you very much Mr. Tangent.

Newbie Rant 5: Harkovast (The Bad Review)

(Gents, Gents, and the possible Lady, after much consideration, I decided to put this silly little thing back up again, because I'm already scheming to redeem myself anyhow.)

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... Somebody has to!



Webcomic artists and writers tend to be a very niche category of people. we're all usually geeks. And in that niche category, we're usually the niche categories of anime and manga fans, furry fandom, comic book geeks, video gamers, and fantasy and sci-fi guys. Usually these don't mix, and when you do the audience tends to get even nicher.

Unfortunately, because of our limited scope, we tend to write stuff that's incredibly similar. We usually have our own spin on things but you can guarantee that we will usually tell a story of 2 gamers on a couch and one girl, a Tolkien/Dungeon and Dragons-esque story making fun of the system and cliches, a Tolkien/Dungeon and Dragons-esque story that plays every cliche and system flaw as straight as an arrow without irony, anime-esque things that either make fun of itself or play cliches straight, a furry comic involving either all of the above or a porn studio, a slice-of-life involving most of the above, I think you get the point.

So what was I trying to say? We geeks are very niche-y. Sometimes too much. I come to you with the poorly drawn and cliche-ridden display called "Harkovast" that has the gall to pass itself off as an epic war comic. When the truth of the matter is that it's just a large order of "Tolkien/Dungeon and Dragons-esque story that plays every cliche and system flaw as straight as an arrow without irony" with furries, hold the anime-style.

I'm reviewing this a the request of the reader and frankly, they couldn't have come to me sooner. The writer and artist (2 creators and they still do this poorly?) have been mucking about for nearly a year now and now they need a deep cleaning. It's time for their dosage of honest critque so things can start looking good around here. Daniel R. Stribley and Julie Anne Stribley, it's time you get what you deserve.

the story starts off with far too much exposition about some war we're supposed to care about but we get no context to make us care. There's just "light" and "darkness".



Original

And after we get a monologue from mystery panda, we que the war between the clearly European cat-people using their energy weapons "powered by courage"

They're nameless and faceless mooks? How convenient, now we can mow down as many as we want and as savagely as possible without consequences!





Or so I thought.. Wow, the good guys make great Red Shirts. They're dropping like flies to the Giant Mook there.

But wait, there's still their champion to avert all this. Someone to swoop in and save the day. the Deus Ex Machina who can avert this! Who can it be? His name is... SHOGUN!

Wait what? really? The champion is a one word title? The writer could've called him "Samurai" with the same effect. And that effect is "Silly, cliche, and boring." And what's a Japanese-style fighter doing in a European Medieval setting? Did he get lost on his way to an anime convention? Did they run out of outfits knight's armor at the "Cliche Fantasy War Story" store?

Who is Lel? What's Technomancy? Nyumus? Why are they fighting? It's good to know the Stribleys explain everything without explaining anything. They provide walls of text that tell us nothing but ambiguous phrases that would've been as useful as nothing at all.

Also...

What kind of hidden Antagonist name is The Speaker Man? I create lame supervillains and superheroes and even my names aren't that bad!

So now we move on to Native Americans who are Foxes summoning some savior.

Yeah, I'm not touching that. Native Americans are nothing to be trifled with. I'd prefer not to make fun of them nor their portrayal. Make your own joke.

The scene changes to some old battle-worn soldier find a convent where he's attacked by some "nameless". And of course, he'd prefer to fight honorably instead of smart.



Creative. Never seen that one before.

And while the Bird savior, one of the fox Indians, and the monologue panda form the beginning are just standing around watching. The bird wearing a stupid outfit. They're apparently after another poorly named character called the totally uncliched "Heretic". The Stribleys should be writing superhero names for the Nineties...

we go back to the zealot old fighter who really is as stupid as he's portrayed as he attempts to fight three cavalrymen nameless without backup or being fully healed.

And then I found out why I in all 15 of my major story ideas why I never came up with courage-based weapons: Too frikkin' easy and even more too frikkin' god-moded.

Okay, save a damsel, go over her dully presented backstory, have the senile zealot and her try to find the shogun-wait! hold the phone! Here! Only NOW you tell us what Harkovast is? Aren't you a little LATE for that?

Whatever. I don't have enough faith in this comic to lose it.

And then before we can explore one of the more interesting team ups I've seen in comics (No sarcasm this time), we change scenes to this *snicker* Speaker man, whose name should've been "Preacher man" or "The One Voice." But then his name suddenly makes sense when he tells someone to drown himself, and he does it. Cool. Unfortunately it's offset by a wall of text I'm far too bored to read. Thanks a lot for you brilliant pacing, Stribleys, I really want to read this (Blatant sarcasm ^_^).

However, at this point, I'm far too bored to read the rest. I've seen enough here. Now that I've snarked at the content, time for the overviews:

The idea. If I could find out what it was, I'd be able to critique it, but I can't even find that. You have created a collection of cliches. the only thing original about Harkovast is its name. Find an original spin because this isn't it. This has more cliches played straight than Eragon, and Eragon was a horrid book series.

The story writing would put an English Professor to sleep. It's walls of boring text. Don't write me off as immature, I read books like the Incarnations of Immortality series by Piers Anthony and I read Watchmen. But the point of comics is that it's a VISUAL MEDIA. Didn't get that the first time? let me repeat.

COMICS, ESPECIALLY WEBCOMICS, ARE A VISUAL MEDIA!

Okay? Good, just so we're clear. I'm here to enjoy a story. But I'm also here to enjoy it in the form of a comic. If you put in too much text and exposition, lord, you're gonna bore us to death. I can barely bring myself to read what you put because there's so much of it, misplaced too. And haven't you ever heard of a speech bubble? This is a comic, it's pictures that tell a story by displaying it and then being supplemented with words. If you're gonna put walls of text, write a book. That's what I did.

The Art. Good god, how do I say this? Stribleys, your artists is great. Kinda. You're good at poses, views, scenery, backgrounds, coloring, settings, and textures (especially textures).

And you suck, at anatomy, at drawing furries, at drawing scenes that make them look dynamic. Don't believe me? I've seen your fight scenes, those are more static than my fresh-dried laundry. There's no feeling of movement, everything is a freaking still life and it bores me. I hear these things called "Speed lines" are still in high fashion.



Your anatomy, my god, would it kill you to study the human body before you did something like make a webcomic? You stink at drawing people. the good news is that, so did I. but I learned. I observed people and learned how they work so I can make anatomically correct people while still maintaining my manga-american art style.



Your furries, my god, would it kill you to learn how to do that before you made a furry webcomic? I mean, this is poor, mediocre, sad, and sorry excuse for furry people. If you need help, study, that's what I did. If you need help, than I'll provide exampels that'll help:

Here's your beginner's class

Here's intermediate class one

two

and three.

Here's your master class

Here's your "same thing but with many years of success" master class

And here's your big book of DON'Ts.

So, now what? Stribleys, do as I saw, you NEED help. You're not original, your art isn't good enough, seek help. Learn what "original spin" means and use it.

I can't end with a quote, there's nothing funny or memorable about this comic.

-Read Or Die You Uneducated Buffoons
The WebcomiCritic

One Page Wonder: VG Cats

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... Somebody has to!



Ladies and gentlemen, a miracle has occurred. No, Tim Buckley did not learn how to improve is art. Neither did Mookie. F@NB0Y$ didn't get a consistent update schedule and Shredded Moose did not become a respectable webcomic. El Goonish Shive hasn't cleared up a single subplot and overarching plot. And The Wotch didn't decide it was going to get better.

I'll show you the miracle:

VG Cats was FUNNY!

Scott Rasoomair, better known as the well dressed but not at all interesting Pantsman, suddenly decided to make a funny joke. He decided for once that "Hey, I'm going to do a comic that's funny and won't involve toilet humor and bad jokes deriving from rape, murder, and poo." (I'm not going to provide examples. You'll stumble upon it in nearly every page of his archives.) He actually did a good comic that poked god fun at the mechanics of the Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time. I'm shocked. I'm touched. For once, a comic that doesn't insult our intelligence by making comics that could only appeal to the baser humor of Jocks and 7-year olds.

If He keeps this up, people might actually like this guy.

Oh, and here's another one:


The art got BETTER.

This guy is dishing out miracle after effing miracle! Maybe next time his artwork will be good with a funny comic. But what about this comic? I doesn't seem funny; If there was a joke in there, I never got it. maybe it's for some niche audience I don't know about. But who cares about that?

Look at this! The art is amazing! shadows, unique facial features, no over use of googly eyes, detailed looking backgrounds and terrain. I can't even do that!

Where has he been hiding this talent!?? WHY has he been hiding this talent? Does he not want people to know that he's good at jokes and drawing? Does he want be seen as the talentless and juvenile scum of the internet on similar ground to Tim Buckley we all despise?

Whatever the reason may be, he better scrap that reason and keep doing this. You hear that Pantsman? KEEP DOING THIS! KEEP DOING GOOD WORK! THEN MAYBE THE INTERNET WILL STOP LOOKING DOWN ON YOU!

"Broforce" -Chet and JR. Yes, it is stupid and over the top.

-Read Or Die You Uneducated Buffoons
The Webcomicritic

One Page Wonder: F@NB0Y$

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... Somebody has to!



I love F@NB0Y$. I shall admit, it had it's not so great moments, but this is a solid-ish webcomic I believe everybody should give a read. However, I'm here to talk about this one particular mini-story arc he has here.

It starts out as an ordinary day where Nintendo fanboy Lemmy, sees that his horoscope says he'll cause pain and destruction to those around him. He gets scared.

And then it gets worse, on his way to the bank, we see Death, a recurring minor character in the story. And Death... really likes death. And these comics were amazing. they were funny. Really funny.



I couldn't stop laughing. what's more, everytime I see it, I keep on laughing. Its a joke that doesn't get old. the sight gags, the interactions with death. And how cheerful Death is. It's just so absurd you can't help but laugh.


What's also a hoot is Lemmy's expression in each comic, especially the first one. It's well done and perfectly displays his fears. the art of Scott Under (If that is his real name) is realistically cartoon and flexible for exaggeration. And as far as the story goes, anything goes, including death. And this plotline juts shows how over the top Mr. Under will go and just how silly Mr. Under's faces can get. I mean, how many people can make a perfectly expressive skull? especially with such innocent and sinister expressions?

This is comedy gold, even if it is too sadistic. Go on, Mr. Under! You do the webcomic community good.

"You know what I like most about banks? Armed robberies!" -Death

-Read or Die You Uneducated Buffoons
The Webcomicritc

Newbie Rant 4: Weesh

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... Somebody has to!



Good god, where have I been? when was the last time i reviewed something, a month? I'm losing my touch and I don't even have it yet! That's the LAST time I accept an offer to go to New Orleans for a month!

Now, how are my fans (Or Lack thereof.)?


DEAR LORD! Okay Okay okay! I'll make it up to you, All four of you! here is it, right here, one bonifide review, ready for the world to draw its opinions from...

All kids would want a genie. All adults would want a genie. ANYbody would want a genie. Okay, maybe not everybody (FOOLISH GIRL!), but They're seriously just cool. I think Aladdin may have influenced that, but let's face it, who wouldn't want a being that could grant your every wish? Pretty righteous, huh? Heck, if people asked what kind of superpower I'd want, I'd say wish-granting (Subset of Reality bending ^_^).

Why about wishes? Well look at the title of this comic, it's called freaking Weesh. Sound like anything to you? This comic is AWESOME. Okay, maybe not "awesome" but "adequately satisfying!"

Unlike my usual Newbie Rants, this comic is made by a veteran webcomic artist known as Dan Hess. Mr. Hess is famous for his works such as Angel Moxie, Realms of Ishikaze, and Rebus.

Well, in July of 2008, Mr. Hess enters the webcomic scene once again with kid's story about wishes...


When I first saw this comic I was drawn in by the art. Not by how clear, crisp and cute it was (Okay, maybe it was) but I couldn't help thinking "Where have I seen this artwork before?" Further research led me back to Angel Moxie, a webcomic I couldn't quite get into in my younger days. In retrospect, Angel Moxie rules as a parody of the Magical Girl genre and plays it straight at the same time. Also, you can really tell how much the art has improved and yet you can tell it was the same guy who did it, even though it seems almost radically different.

With that said, I guess I'm talking about the art style first. it fits the tone of the comic very well. It's smooth, innocent, and has a very flexible feel. The large heads and skinny bodies can be difficult to pull off but this guy has it down to a science. The characters are appropriately designed, including the title creature, Weesh. It has a very unique design. You dpn't see too many green bunny/kangaroo-like thing with stumpy legs and a stringy tail granting wishes. He went out of his way to make a unique design and I'm proud of him for that. Mr. Hess also has backgrounds down perfectly. but then, he's a veteran and a professional, should we expect anything less?

The style makes me think anime super deformed (cute and tiny breaks from the ordinary style for comedy and silliness.) but apparently Mr. Hess knows haw to make laziness and turn it into hard work.

What's more, he's flexible. He has backgrounds and scenery down and he's able to do a good mecha and monster. I still can't do anything good beyond drawing people!

Now, the story is as good as any story will get. He's put the comic in the format of a 4 panel gag-a-day, similar to Angel Moxie, only Angel Moxie had a plot. this is basically something a person would find in the newspaper. In fact, it'd be perfect as a newspaper comic, good money made that way. No! Wait! It's too good for that! It wouldn't be appreciated in the Washington Post, you deserve better. All shall know your greatness in another way... By why should they? I found you, you belong to Moi! No newspaper, nobody, NOTHING shall ever have you, my precious Weesh...

Uh, with that unhealthy moment of obsession aside... The stories are focuses around some wish the youngest two kids make and it's results and consequences. Unlike most stories about wishes *coughfairlyoddparentscough* Mr. Hess doesn't try to bore us with morals and aesops and run them into our craniums. the kids don't care to learn lessons and aren't willing to learn. Therefore, we continue with cute, innocent, lighthearted fun. Of course the lesson of how one phrases their wishes remains.

Another fascinating plotpoint is that Weesh is still in-training. When he isn't messing up a wish because of wording, it's because he's not good enough. Hilarity ensues. It's also a convenient plot device that Weesh isn't good enough because it means that the wishes don't last longer than approximately ten minutes. Hooray for Convenient and Clever Cover-ups! It's like the gift that keeps on giving. Mr Hess created the perfect formula to create perfectly reasonable comic that can perpetually keep itself running for years to come and remain entertaining, provided some jokes aren't recycled too quickly or he falls victim to Cerebus Syndrome. I doubt it though, the odds are horribly unlikely.

the characters are decently made as well. they're 2 dimensional enough to be interesting and keep the plot going. Can't be too 3 dimensional, heaven forbid a real story kicks in. The characters are the 3 Merle kids and genie; Weesh.

The youngest child is the impossibly innocent Olivia. she's the quintessential 5 year old girl. She's every stereotype you'd ever suspect to find in a little girl, innocent, cheerful, optimistic, has absolutely no idea of the consequences behind her actions, and she likes dollies and flowers...

My god, I can't believe I wrote that. just thinking about her gives me goosebumps! What's scarier is that Mr. Hess doesn't subvert this character archetype; he embraces it. Most people usually reveal to us that their version of this character is secretly evil or a short and violent temper. But, no. This limits her wishes to the cute, innocent, and fun things in life that you'd expect any irresponsible and naive little kid to ask for. She also follows Mr. Hess's tradition of incorporating one small, young, innocent, childish female character. Hooray for Recycling! Or maybe just a theme or motif, whatever it may be, he seems to make it work,

Next we have the middle child, Tate, who gives the feel of being at the most, 3 years older than Olivia. He represents the quintessential young boy who's interested in aliens, rockets, monsters, jungles, and adventure. And to pump this up to the max, he's a sci-fi geek. He makes the most wishes from what I've observed and hangs out with Weesh the most. Probably because his big sister doesn't care and his little sister isn't smart enough to realize Weesh's true potential. But not only as a tool does he treat Weesh, but as a best friend. Like many boys his age, he's easily bored and his attention span is abysmal. But let's face it, if you have a wish granting kangaroo/rat thing you would be as bored as sin with everything else.

And finally, Zoey, the stereotypical quintessential young teen rebel girl filled with sarcasm, sardonicness, and apathy. Who could ask for more? Who cares if she's also a walking stereotype, I'm a sucker for these characters. she may not be the life of the party but she certainly puts her own spin on things. Her general apathy towards Weesh is a bit discomforting. The ability to have wishes granted before she gets too old and she doesn't give rat's hind-corners? What has age done to this poor girl? She thinks these things out way too well! Well, except for when it really matters. Though, like most characters of her build, she has a heart somewhere in there.

And then there's Weesh himself. He's the reason why morals don't get shoved down our throats. He doesn't learn, thus destined to repeat the same mistakes for whichever family he meets. Weesh is the second most sarcastic character, Zoey being numero one. This guy is lazy and laid-back. He's no walking stereotype unlike the rest of the family, unless you want to draw some Garfield parallel and even that's stretching it. This guy is original in so many ways which I will get to soon.

Like now. This guy is pretty creative, I must give Mr. Hess points for originality. I mean, Weesh first and foremost. He's no traditional genie, in neither appearance nor origin. His limitations aren't rules (so far) but instead by how much licorice he can eat. Yes, a wish granter powered by licorice! The characters act like a big happy family rather than making Weesh a tool. They can confide each other in the silliest or most serious of things. And the wishes are about what any kid would wish for. I've seen Fairly Odd parents, most of those wishes are far too ridiculous to be relateable. The Rule of funny rules that show while the rule of... Everything Good rules Weesh.

Speaking fo funny, Yes, Mr. Hess has good jokes. Unfortunatly they tend to fall flat. I don't mean they're bad nor poorly executed. They're just kinda "meh". You'll good a smile, sometimes a chuckle, maybe even a laugh if he was feeling good that day. But not something I'll be rolling on the floor in laughter with. The jokes aren't by any means bad, but defiantly not top notch. Merely above adequate.

And that's Weesh, I have nothing bad to say in a humorous manner about this one. Sorry folks, I'll try to be more critical next time, but I'll need a fairly repulsive comic to do it.

Until next time. I wanted to finish off with a Weesh quote, but this one really stood out.

"How can anyone ignore puppies?"-Olivia

-Read or Die you Uneducated Buffoons
The WebcomiCritic

Delay: Heroes of Crash

You know who I am, you know what I do, You know why I do it....



Do I seem aggrivated to you? can't imagine why....

Maybe it's becuase my computer sucks... Or Rather... Internet Explorer Sucks...

I just spent the last two weeks writing my first and grandest review, and then it was gone... Was it Blogspot? was it Internet explorer? I dunno... But explorer decided to just CRASH! and It's all gone. I did a lot of work and it's gone...



POINTLESS! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


I may need a break or something. Apperently I'm not destined to do a grand and in depth review just yet. So I'll stick to newbie rants for the frikkin' time being. Newbie rants and One Page Wonders...

God... So much wasted work... Is there no Justice for a writer?

No Quote today... Just my rage...

-Read or Die you Uneducated Buffoons
The WebcomiCritic

One Page Wonder: Questionable Content

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... Somebody has to!

Don't worry! Despite the title of the comic, everything is safe! I just wanted to point out this one comic page of Questionable content. Right Here:


The Story itself is clever, long running, and despite being entirly about real life with little to no variations to time or reality. I think sometimes people get tired. Considering Mr. Jacques has been doing this for 6 years now; updating monday monday to friday with little to no slip-ups, Being tired may very well be likely. Or maybe his joke pool is running low. Considering he's been doing this for 6 years, one is bound to run out of material for a little bit.

For some reason I thought most people used ancient material again. Many aren't likely to remember ti anyway unless they just archeive binged. In Mr. Jacques's case, he attempted to be totally original and I commend him for that. Unfortunately, The strip was as unfunny as the character's joke (I forget his name an d the cast page got lost inthe site upgrade.).

The strip usually focuses on pop-colture references, references to indie music, indie culture, and sarcasm. Or the characters themselves. And sarcasm. I didn't get a good 1/3 of the jokes becuase they were mostly about indie music and indie culture. Once it got to the characters, I got a lot more into it. But for today's comic, it was neither sarcasm, nor indie stuff, nor anything. It just seemed childish. A sad attempt at visual humor, perhaps? It sounded like they were going to have a nice snarking match about global warming or politics. Oh well.

The Next strip is a little funnier and the next one had a punchline that had me laughing for quite a bit.

Looks like he's getting his groove back, mehopes.

"If her Kawaii-fugue persists more than 90 seconds, I will administer a small electrical shock."-Momo-tan

Now that's Comedy. Also, here's a new challenge, take any quote I put on the bottom and put it out of context. Consider it a writing exercise. Put your thoughts into the comments while you're at it.

-Read or Die You Uneducated Buffoons

The WebcomiCritic

Photo-Op

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... somebody has to!


Like my picture? It's my new look as the WebcomiCritic!

Though many of you probably don't know it, I had this old look:
The old look being that doll right there when I'm my usual me: Mousa the 14. Notice the plain old shirt and jeans. I decided my new look would have a weird and colorful old-age reporter look to it.

And thus evidence that I can draw. I just don't color. Someone stole my colored pencil set and these markers were all I had. At least I'm not criticizing artistic ability with no experience. I do just as well as the rest of them! When I stop being lazy, you'll see, you'll ALL see! I'll produce a webcomic god beyond your wildest DREAMS!

AND I SHALL BE GOD!

Anyhow, I'll try to get back to work right... How about now? I shall try to review the Surrealistic piece of Internet madness known as DREADED-Er, I mean, DRESDEN CODAK!



COMPUTER: ERROR! ERROR! COMIC SURREALISM IS TOO TOO MUCH FOR THIS SYSTEM'S PROCESSORS!

Whu? Oh, that's Not a good sign...

COMPUTER: OVERLOADING! CANNOT COMPUTE! CANNOT COMPUTE!

Wait, Stop, NO! What are you doing? Computer, Stop... Stop! GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Oy vey.... Ya know what folks, never mind.... Maybe Next time....


When school stops sucking I'll be back in business...

"EXCELSIOR!"(By my Idol, Stan Lee)

-Read or Die you Uneducated Buffoons!
The WebcomiCritic

So... Many... Webcomics....

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it becuase, well.... somebody has to!

I have a list... Of Webcomics... A List of Webcomics I've read or legitmatly tried to read (as in made good progress in its archives). These will probbaly be what I'll be reviewing and good lord what a list it is. In addition, I'm throwing in a list of comics recommended to me that I'll try to look into.

What's more, i'll provide a link for each one so you guys can look int othem and form your own opinions.

*Glances at handwrittne list* GOOD LORD ALAMIGHTY, DID I REALLY READ THIS MANY!?!? Wow, is still read that one? Aww that one ended? Hmm, hey I don't even look at THAT one anymore, and... I have to look at that again?

..........

I think I'm going to hate my job... Anyhow, May as well jump in and take on the challenge head on.... TALLY HO!

Webcomics I've Read or Tried to Read
The Wotch
El Goonish Shive (One of the best, It'll be hard for me to maintain my posture as a critic...)
Abstract Gender (don't bother, there are many reasons why I stopped reading this...)
Girly (Surprisingly good. You Hardly see Cerebus Syndrome work in a good way)
The Lounge
Venus Envy (UPDATE ALREADY!!!)
Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki(It's absurd and the heavy fanservice makes me doubt a woman did this. Plot? WHat Plot?)
Zebra Girl
The Heroes of C.R.A.S.H. (This is one of those comics that's good but has no publicity. It should be more popular)
The Suburban Jungle (How a furry comic is meant to work)
The Class Menagerie
Sabrina Online (NO COMMENT!)
Blue and Blond (Good Too)

Dan and Mab's Furry Adventures (Great stuff)

2Kinds (It's like te plot got eaten by fanservice and slave fetishes becuase once upon a time, it had potential)
Inverloch (There are so many good and bad things about this one)
Least I Could Do (I only got into this recently. Finally, life through the eyes of a cassanova's friends)
Charby the Vampirate (I'd put this on a list of Webcomic LEGENDS)
Unlife is Unfair (Same person as above, but funner ^_^)
Elijah and Azuu (very long, very Epic, anotehr webcomic LEGEND. Odd, the epic half of the comic is down...)
NPC (I need to get back into this)
Menage a 3(So... Much... Fanservice... There is no way a woman made this!)
Culture Shock

Proeprty of Gwen
Alone in a Crowd (This is how you combine two kinds of right and make one wrong)
Cool Cat Studios (Another I'll give memorial to, but at least it actually ended. On a strange note.)
Blue Zombie (I'm going to have a memorial review of this greatness)
Lumia's Kingdom (from the same guy who did Blue Zombie)
Housepets! (Housepets. You need more?)-Newbie Ranted
Precocious (Becuase Knowledge is a weapon!)-Newbie ranted
Catena
Catharsis (I don't know, It was fine, then is started losing energy and then... I don't know...)
Slightly Damned (pretty cool comic, doubt it needs the warning thing though)
FW! (The only logical explanation for this comic is that it exists to make the poor main kid miserable...)
Peter and Company
Kevin and Kell (This is like of the webcomic Ancients! I think this is what Precocious and Housepets! want to be when they grow up)
Namir Deiter (Good)
You Say it First
Ardra (WHOA! I haven't read this in forever and the art has already gone from good to better!)
Blue Crash Kit (You had potential! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE!)
8-bit Theatre (Hey, the Site Went through a upgrade!)
Girls with Slingshots
Fanboys (F@nb0ys$)
Ctrl-Alt-Del
Loserz (Go to the Forum and download the archive, it's your only chance- wait, it's back? It's BACK? IT"S BAAAAAAAAAAAACK! TvT!!!)
Pokemon-X
Bob and George
Staccato
No Pink Ponies
Shortpacked!
Fur Will Fly
Zap! (A Cliche Storm... God Shoot me)
Runway (A fashion ocmic that's not at all about fashion!)
Dominic Deegan
Las Lindas
Count Your Sheep
No Room for Magic
Wisdom of Moo
VG Cats
Questionable Content

Order of the Stick (Webcomic LEGEND! Don't need good art to tell an AMAZING story!)
Sandra and Woo
The Dreamland Chronicles
Flipside
Sequential Art (This was obivously meant to be nonesensical. Just roll with it)
Misfile (How Long ago was it when I read you?)
Minus (... I can't think of anything to say. It's just that good)
Langlang (Think Precocious if it took a different route)

Candi (How long ago was it when I read you?)
Dresden Codak (GOOD GOD! I SWEAR I TRIED! BUT I CAN'T MAN! I JUST CAN'T!!!)
.....................

GOOD GREIF, HOW DOES ONE ACCUMULATE SO MUCH JUNK OVER THE COURSE OF 5, MAYBE 6 YEARS!??!?!??

I REALLY Hate my job now...

oh yeah, the recommendationsthat I will look into list...

List of Webcomics That Have Been Recommended to Me or That I've Heard too Many Good (And Bad) Things About That I Will Look Into Eventually
Experiment 0009
Cooties
Dr. McNinja
Alice
Ozy and Millie
Sluggy Freelance
College Roomate From Hell!
The Wotch: Cheer!
Wapsi Square
Penny Arcade (Yeah Yeah, so I haven't walked in the glow of it's majestic presence, so sue me!)
Penny and Aggie

.... Thank goodness that's a short list...

Anyhow, remember, I take recommndations and comments just add anything to the comment box or contact me at webcomicritic@gmail.com

"Face front, true believers"(My Idol Stan Lee) is today's finishing quote.

-Read or Die you Uneducated Buffoons,
WebcomiCritic

Newbie Rant 1: Precocious

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... somebody has to!

I'm sucky at deadlines, ain't I? Well besides the fact school has been draining my life away, I couldn't archive Binge The Wotch. And I was so looking forward to snarking at it too.

NO MATTER!

Instead I shall be doing a little Newbie Rant, which will be a series of me doing webcomics that are fairly new and have enough material to give it an overview of it's potential. My FIrst Newbie Rant is about an interesting little comic I picked up not too long ago called Precocious and lord knows it has a good reason to.

The comic started out in about 2008 on a date I for the life of me cannot discern because the author decided not to put dates. Still, It's far fresher than any of the other webcomics I read so it's still good for a Newbie Rant.

The comic is about some kids, I think they're somewhere between 6-10 years old judging by their size and their ability to speak well. Not to mention their capability for evil...



You'd think children at their age would be too innocent to know exactly what good and evil are, but I believe you under estimate the comic's Title whose definition means "Developing, occurring, or appearing before the expected time."

The prologue story arc is about these kids trying to outwit each other in a war of who's the most evil that somehow escalates into a Gender Wars, especially when... The miniature Straw Feminist Communist comes along.



Yes, a Pint-sized feminist that believes that the "separation" between upper-middle class and middle-middle class is unfair

.

Adorable or Just plain creepy? YOU THE VIEWER DECIDE!

In fact, that's probably what makes the comic so lovable. Sure only adults would make the sort of arguments they make some of the time, but only children would blow things so out of proportion.

The concept is fascinating and the jokes are pretty funny, but I'm easy to amuse. Afterall, I'm probably one of the few who thinks a Soulless Faux Beauty Pageant girl is funny because it's demonstrating children capable of performing the most devious of acts...



Jazz Hands indeed.

Anyhow, What I find curious is how Paulsen decided to use Funny animals to portray the protagonists of this gag-a-day/story (Don't think He's quite decided yet.), but it was probably becuase he felt like it. though he may have a hard time keeping the furry-haters from beating him up.

Problems with the strip would include the format. I mean, is it gag-a-day like a serilized newspaper (Which judging from the strip style is how it's supposed to feel) or story and arc based with the occasional filler. Sounds like the trap Dominic Deegan fell into, which can be problematic. I mean, there's nothing wrong with using strips for arc-based stories, but, sometimes it's hard to pull off, and when you get a style that makes you think "Sunday Newspaper Funnies", story isn't really what matters, the punchline on that single strip does.

However, I have seen none of these pitfalls affect our Newbie Paulsen here.

What's more, the art is pretty good. Unlike most webcomic artists that start bad and get better, Pualsen started good and can probably only get better form there. I'd personally complain as a fellow artist about his the eyes take up 90% of the characters' faces(Since, you know, ordinary people have FOREHEADS), it's probably a stylistic choice considering it's more cartoony than something meant to be anatomically correct.

The Art style is simple enough to be allow him to do the Daily comic he makes this out to be, and has even added color. Shading is doubtful and I doubt it'd be necessary.

Not much to complain about except... Oh yeah, I knew I forgot something, my specialization as a writer: characterization...

The Kids are a bit... i dunno, Their personalities seem fine but they seem to be... Exaggerated versions of what they're supposed to be. It's like there was a comic about them earlier that never got published and their personalities were mild like whipped cream, and then all of a sudden Flanderization came along and by the time they got to the finished product, they're like uber extreme tobasco-wasabi sauce of what they once were..

Like an army of Strawman-kids or sumthin'! Taking some sort of view they're meant to represent and exaggerating them out of Proportion. Like that freaky Pacifist kid!

A Starwman Pacifist if I ever saw one. I mean, who taught this kid how to be a kid? It's like child-like fun was forced out of his very existence and we have this abomination against Nature!

Anyhow, that's my take. Still not doing bad. I haven't had much to complain about...

WHAT KIND OF CRITIC AM I!??? I CAN'T EVEN FIND A SINGLE THING WRONG WITH THIS THING!!???

MY GOD, How am I supposed to have a rep as a WebcomiCRITIC when I can't criticize something!

Don't worry folks, I'll get angry in no time, just you wait, I'll find a particularly NASTY webcomic that is so bad that I have to have some constructive criticism for them that'll totally sound mean-spirited!

I'm open to suggestions before I pick stuff out from my list. e-mail me at mousatoure@yahoo.com

Anyhow, remember, as Precocious's caption says:

"Because Knowledge is a Weapon."

-Read or Die You Uneducated Buffoons,
WebcomiCritic

Hello I'm the WebcomiCritic

Hello, I'm the WebcomiCritic, I do it because, well... somebody has to! Webcomic reviews are either fluff filled like my predecessor Robert A. Howard "Tangent" or filled with with hate, bitterness, and no constructiveness like my sworn nemesis John Solomon.

I'm here to provide a straight up fact filled review, and curse free while I'm at it! (It's a personal moral code thing)

Anyhow, with your support I intend to try to do the best I can with this thing.

And What better way to start this than with the first webcomic I ever read...

The Wotch...

Anyhow, See you guys next week God allow.

-Read or Die You Uneducated Buffoons,
WebcomiCritic